I’ll Send a Message in a Bottle

 

I’ll Send a Message in a Bottle

 

“I’ll send a message in a bottle. Pray for the mercy of the sea. Stormy weather, oh yeah. Waiting for love to rescue me.” –Van Halen. Feels So Good

 

            If you are reading this, I want to first of all thank you for taking the time top listen to my story. I second of all want to thank whatever power it is out there that brought my message in a bottle to you. By all accounts, I believe that I am stranded on the Isle Guadalupe. As of this writing, I have been here for two months. I am one of few survivors. I was on the cruise ship, The USS Nerf-Dildo. We took off from San Diego California sometime in April of this year. Our destination was Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. We spent two days there and then set sail back to San Diego. We never made it, and now you are reading this letter.

            The trip down to Cabo was fine. Everything went as planned. The ship was full of singles and families. There were shows every night of the week in the ships main auditorium. On the first night at port, in Cabo, the whole ship celebrated with a formal dinner and dance night. All the men were dressed in their finest dress attire. All the woman were as lovely as the moon which shines its light on the trailing seas behind us. There was dancing. There was eating of the finest meats, vegetables, and seafood. There were plenty of fantastic wines, hard liquors and beer beverages that tasted all so good when they hit the lips.

            As a single man, I met the woman of my dreams. She was part of the crew on board the ship. She played a full sized harp. She had one of the lobbies all to herself, as far as a musician goes. Men and woman of both low and high society were enchanted by her pull of the strings. I was included amongst them all. That night I would not leave her side. She was like an angel to me. She could have been the devil himself, and I would have followed her wherever the commands of her sweat voice would have told me go. She was also beautiful; a woman of slender build, blond hair, and the skin on her shoulder which was revealed by her classy dress, entreated me with much desire to dream that one day my hand would be on that shoulder as I danced the night away with her.

            Eventually I realized that I could not scare her away with my constant presence. I had to at least make believe that I had other business on the ship. The truth was I didn’t. I went to the bar and ordered both her and I a martini. Normally I would have drank a Pabst Blue Ribbon, but realizing that she was a lady of standards, I had to up my base sensibilities. I told the bartender to add rocks to it.

            When I made it to her, I waited until she was done with playing her song. I walked over to her and introduced myself to her. I raised my hand towards her with the overflowing cup of love and martini between my middle and forefinger, palm up. I told her of my enchantment for the delightful music that she played. I told her how with all the lovely maidens on the ship, there was something that made her stand out: she was not only beautiful on the outside, but she displayed all of her overflowing beauty from the inside; displayed by her music. I then asked her if we could go to the other lobby where some grand funk music was playing. I asked her if we could dance. To my surprise, she sat her half sipped glass of martini down on the table next to her and replied, “I would love to!”

            Well let me tell you that I was a real sucker for a good time, and this night I could not get enough. She danced with me. She smelled lovely like the fern flowers of the beautiful lilies of Norway. I felt full of bliss to be next to such a beautiful character. The band played, More than A Woman, by the Bee Gees. They also played some of the music from the old movie, Dirty Dancing, like; I…Had…. the Time of My Life. I really was having the time of my life.

            For every 5 songs that we enjoyed on the dance floor, she would go back to her harp and play two songs for what felt like just me and me alone. She would tell me about her passions, how she got into music, her education in the arts, and her love of life. I felt like she was courting me, and not the standard definition of romance. I was completely myself with her, but I was completely the man of integrity, faithfulness, and honor with her. She actually drew it out of me like a magnet. Her beauty and character demanded it, all the while as she would smile and wink her eyes at me.

            Eventually I got to rest my hand on her shoulder and feel her warm skin. It was during our last dance. We were in the spoon like position with her body up against mine. I felt like a kid who never wanted to grow up in my bliss of delight in her presence. As she looked back at me during that final dance, she leaned back into me so that I could kiss her on the lips. It was pure ecstasy. My sensual mind was telling me to take her to the room with me. The divine in me was pleading with me to go slow as not to ruin the rhythm of this love-flow. I could meet up with her the following day. Mayhap, we could take a journey into the city of Cabo San Lucas together.

            I walked her to her harp for the last time. She put it away in a storage unit. For the next 2 hours we stood on the back of the ship and watched the moon’s reflection on the moving seas. We both remarked on how it could be possible to be this far in romance while being this close to possible death, and not just any death, but a death in a lonely, freezing, and despairing sea. We were literally one foot from the edge of the boat and no one would even notice the difference if the ship suddenly lost two of its passengers while they were in the process of love.

            I walked her to her room. I kissed her goodnight. I allowed our bliss and innocence to remain as I chose not to pursue her body, in the hopes that one day she would also fully give me her heart and soul as well.

            I never saw her again. The ship must have hit ground early the next morning. The scene was pure pandemonium. There was a gashing hole on the starboard side of the ship. The alarms were blaring for everyone to get to the lifeboats. As soon as I felt the initial impact, I made my way for the first life raft that I found. I was able to get myself and a few others with me down into the water. Many of the others were trampled. There was mass chaos. Men and woman were fighting for positions on the other life boats. The ship was sinking. Me and my crew did our best to get to the island that we could see off in the distance.

            I believe most of the people drowned because of the under pull from the USS Nerf-Dildo’s sinking. Many others were trampled and killed by other passengers in the mass chaos. Still others fell victims to the sharks, jellyfish, and other dangers of the seas. It was every man for himself. It took me and my raft crew of about 4 of us, 2 days to get to the island off in the distance. We have been surviving off of local plants, bugs. There are no local mammals, so I have been taking out to sea in the life raft every few days and catching what fish that I can. I found a water purification pump on the raft, so we should be good with that. We also have other survival aids until rescue should be of delay. We have sunscreen, fishing kits, medical kits, tourniquets, bandages, water purification tablets, small ponchos to cover ourselves with and a few blankets. Other than that we have had to come up with survival ideas as they arise.

            What we don’t have are radios, flares, or maps. I really don’t know where we are in relation to our destination, or departure points. I only noticed a sign on the shore which said, Isle de la Guadalupe. I would have given up all hope for survival, but I have been praying to one day see the lady I met on the boat. No one else from the ship has ventured out to this island that we have temporarily called home. I have on a few occasions set out to go find my lady with the harp, but the other members of my crew have threatened me with execution if I am to take our only mode of water transportation. To be honest…I don’t think she made it. I would have married her.

Please hurry up and rescue us.

Jissoseph from the USS Nerf-Dildo out!