I Took My Judo Test at La Rumba Dance Club

 

Big-Joe-Radio

I Took My Judo Test at La Rumba Dance Club

5/29/2018

 

            I remember walking past the Denver City Capital park that night. I could feel the sweat beads dripping down my warm back that warm May 6^th night. The Cinco De Mayo festival was winding down and as I walked my way across Colfax and Broadway, I was maneuvering past the vendors and city workers who would be cleaning up the area for what I would imagine to be the rest of the night so that the city could function as normal the next day which was Monday.

            I was on my way to La Rumba dance club. It was salsa night and my visit was two-part. One part was to try and score with a Russian school principal named Veronika. Part two was have a job interview with this same principle…and hopefully score with her after the interview. I can dream, can’t I?

            She had put an add in the local Westward newspaper fort a Judo instructor for her school. It was an elementary school. There was no way that I was getting that job, but it was my way of setting up a date with the Russian lady. She was blond, 5with such a Russian accent that I was sure she’d be tipping back whiskey shots with me in minutes.

            Walking down Broadway had its usual sights along the way. As you walked towards city park, the smell became fouler and the guests become harsher. People were half dressed, setting to make up their camps for the night as it was obvious that city park was a huge weed handout as well as a place for those who indulged to sleep.

            I was a little nervous because I was nicely dressed. I was wearing slacks, my brown dress shoes and a nice buttoned up shirt. But I was confident. I had just begun taking Judo classes no less than 9 months ago. I was ready, or at least I think, to take my belt to rank up to the higher level.

            I made it to La Rumba in about 30 minutes. It was dark as I entered the front portico of the salsa club. I saw the red fire from two lit cigarettes and two older men sitting on stools as they checked ID’s for the patrons wanting to come in. I saw gorgeous women inside. Tall woman with short skirts on and high heels. Blonds, brunettes, red-heads. I saw men who were dressed to impress like me and I saw men who must have walked into the place by accident. They were much more leisurely dressed. Either way, it did not matter to me.

            Veronika had called me earlier to confirm that I would meet her at about 730pm. I asked her what she would be both wearing and what she would want to drink. She coldly said this was business only, but that she will be in the back left corner of the dance floor with her girlfriends. Other Russian women I presumed.

            I paid my way and I entered the club. I ordered two shots of Hennessey and two bottles of Pabst Blue Ribbon. I liked to keep it classy. I went into the dark and halfway smoky room.  It was murky. As I drank my first rounds, I watched as groups of salsa amateurs were taking lessons. Guys would rotate between the beautiful ladies as the man on the speaker gave instructions and dance moves until he said to switch partners. And then there were guys like me. The sideline watchers. We’re the guys who gawk at any woman passing by in the hopes that she will drop off even the smallest crumb of attention. When she so much as makes eye contact, we’ll be all over that ass, grinding away. No permission needed.

            So yes, I felt pathetic. I decided to walk at least 15 feet away from all the sideline guys and see if I had any chance with seeing Veronika. And then it happened. I got the text. Where are you? We are in the back corner. Come over. I looked around and there she was. I was nervous. She was not only pretty but obviously she was smart too. She was a principle at an elementary. Did she really need a Judo instructor?

            As I walked over, it was Veronika, 3 other women and two men. They were all Russian. I walked over and introduced myself to Veronika and asked her how she was doing. She introduced me to her friends.

            “So, let’s get to business Mr. Joe. How long have you been doing Judo?”

            “about 9 months” I said. At which she and all her comrades looked at each other and then laughed.

            “You’ve got to be kidding me. I could ask one of the children at the school to teach Judo before I should even ask you. Please don’t play with my emotions. I kill you, comrade!!!”. I was nervous. “Look here, Mr. Joe. We all train Judo. But we don’t have time to teach during the day. We are all black belts ourselves. We cannot hire you. You are just a white belt. Please go to the bar and order us some Whiskeys and then kindly go home…please…”.

            “Listen, I’m just a white belt. But you guys could promote me right here and now. I know all the vocabulary. I could tell them to you and then I could use one of your comrades to show the throws.” I was pleading with her. I wanted this job and I more than that just did not want to feel humiliated.

            They began talking with one another – whispering in each other’s ear. “All right, comrade. Go get us a piece of paper and we’ll write the English words while you translate the judo vocabulary into both Japanese and Russian.”. She was being a stickler now. Japanese and Russian. Shit.

            I managed my way through that part and then it was time to do my throws. “Veronika, I have no partner to throw. Who do you want to be my Uke?”. She then pointed to the line of lonely guys next to the dance floor. The guys who would most likely go home alone because they never had the courage to talk to these women but only watch them from afar. They were now going to be my Judo partners. I was going to throw them.

            All the Judo black belts (including Veronika) put on their Kimonos and black belts. They keep their judogis in their cars for such moments as these. (Just play along). They set up a table and each one took a seat for judgment. They called out commands and I did each throw on a different body. Right there on the dance floor. I did the O Soto Gari, the O-Goshi, the Ippon Seoi Nage, the Morote Seoi Nage, the Ko Uchi Gari, the O-Uchi-Gari, and finally I did some pins. After everything was all said and done, Veronika not only gave me the job, but she also gave me my Yellow belt.

 

The End.